A whole new world

Oh god, if you haven’t read them already go and read the Amazon reviews for Peter Andre and Katie Price’s album A Whole New World

“After an unfortunate accident at home my wife slipped into a coma and after a few days when the dirty plates and so on had piled up I noticed and had her taken to a hospital.

The Doctors said they could do nothing for her and she just lay there wired up to a machine that beeped. The Doctors told me that if I talked to her then it might stimulate her to recovery but even after ten minutes there was no change so I went home to watch the football (Everton vs Chelsea, both sides had notable absentees which, considering the relative squad depths of the two, was likely to impact on Everton more so than the Stamford Bridge outfit. David Moyes will be without suspended midfield dynamo Tim Cahill, whose recent return to goal scoring form has coincided with Everton’s mini-revival in the Premiership after an abysmal start) but I didn’t get a chance to watch all the game because I had to surf the net. With my wife out of the picture I was looking on the internet for some kind stimuli and having been disappointed by the content on Katie Holme’s website. Paris Hilton’s download “one night in Paris” did the trick and keen for more I followed some links for Jordan. Well before I knew it, I had ordered some products.

Imagine my disappointment 10-14 days later when I received a CD and not a DVD! But that was short lived as I visited the hospital to check on the wife and have her sign some cheques by putting the pen in her hand and moving the paper around underneath. In the hospital room was a CD player and so as I left to pop around to an old girlfriends I popped this CD on and hit auto-replay.

The following morning much refreshed I visited the wife again (a new cheque book had arrived in the post) and I was amazed to see that tears were running from the corners of my comatose wife’s eyes. Elation! The Doctors say that this is a miracle and have instructed that the album be played back-to-back via headphones to my wife until she recovers.

Her return to consciousness and some clean clothes are hopefully just around the corner – ”